hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's rum buckets o'clock
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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