I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
