so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
