I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
