oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am one with the molecules
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
