rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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