just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
