So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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