Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
