I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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