You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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