Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
