I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize