I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
