How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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