and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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