Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
