i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
