got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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