There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
