He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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