he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
