Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
