I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
