with your own penis?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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