I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You need a sexual gate keeper
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
