I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
