I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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