I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
