Soap is not a condiment
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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