Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
