i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
