I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
