yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
