I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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