You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
