I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
