I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
