Can i not drive my cunt home
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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