He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
