So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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