Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
