she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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