There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
