i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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