are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
