i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
