Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
