somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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