just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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