WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
