Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
