I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
