i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
