I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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