Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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