Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize