Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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