Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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