the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
