That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
