I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The power of my boobs compel you
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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