you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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