do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
