we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
