I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
