but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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