He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize