She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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