If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you would pick up someone in the library
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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