Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
