Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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