You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
