I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I still have a little drunk in my system
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