I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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