So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
