There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
