So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
don't judge my taste in strippers
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
pray to the hookup gods
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