My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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