Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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