we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
