I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Floor bacon is actually really good
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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